If and when it looks dark and hopeless, and you think there are no answers- when depression has drained and exhausted you, and you can't find the light at the end of the tunnel- if and when you know the light will never, ever be there again, at least not for you, don't do it. Seek help. Go to the hospital, make an emergency appointment with a therapist, call a crisis line, talk to a minister, but don't do something lethal, regardless of how bad you hurt. Chances are you're no longer able to reason or see alternatives.
By seeking help, you're a winner, and headed for a better place. You might not feel it for days or weeks or even months, but just having another who cares, who writes out a daily road map for you, who allows you to share, and who listens- that in itself is light and a beginning. One day you smile. The next day you see a possibility; that's how it goes. Bit by bit, your worth grows, and you, a human born with rights and a cause, take flight. You've given yourself the gift and right to live, and in doing so, you've acted responsibly towards those who you love, be it friends, family, a girlfriend, ...your pet, the child who loves you. You've spared them a lifetime of hurt and pain and guilt and despair: No-one has the right to dump these in the laps of others, just as it's not o.k. for you to end your life. The fight lies ahead. The fight for happiness is a challenge, a most worthy endeavor. You will find your wings once again and take flight, a flight that stays here on earth. I know. I've been lost in the the darkness, and I was there when my mother gave up. She taught me by example that I should never leave others behind to wonder what they could have done differently. She taught me to choose life over death, and she taught me to want to get better. You must want to, or you won't. You must put your heart into your endeavor, and if you do...you will get better. I know. I did, and as a therapist, I worked with patients who found their way. Hang in there and hang on. It's your journey to happiness. And remember, you, alone, are responsible for choosing life or death.
I just missed National Suicide Prevention Day which was this past week. This is a day or two late, My apologies. I want to conclude with a poem that I wrote at the
age of 32, 16 years after my mother's suicide. I was in the midst of what seemed would be a lifetime struggle to get better. I didn't want to leave my son with the pain and despair that I had inherited. This poem is nostalgic and sad; reality was much darker. I hope Mom found peace; however, she left her children with her demons. Determined to win, and discover who I was, I spent a great deal of time in therapy, with a psychologist, ( who was right for me.) I worked hard, and one day it happened...my wings took flight, and I continue to soar. Choose life.
Goodbye little girl, my best friend. I've come to tell you, I've invited my journey's end.
No more tears or pain: farewell to hell, hate... disdain.
Rage and agony have beaten my soul, destroyed my core..
So goodbye little girl, my best friend. Let us hug one more time. Then I''ll fade away...
leaving my space for a better place. Please understand and hold my hand, one more time.